


the strength to stay

by fluffy_miracle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depressed Sam Winchester, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gabriel Has PTSD (Supernatural), Healing, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt Gabriel (Supernatural), Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Sam Winchester Has PTSD, Shame, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:40:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23729197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffy_miracle/pseuds/fluffy_miracle
Summary: Really just inspired by this chorus of Angel by the Wings by Sia:"Take an angel by the wingsBeg her now for anythingBeg her now for one more dayTake an angel by the wingsTime to tell her everythingAsk her for the strength to stay."Sam wants to befriend Gabriel, but as always with the Winchesters, it's more complicated than that.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 16
Kudos: 53





	1. hold onto me-- I'm a little unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this little thing for so long I decided to finish it. Please pay attention to tags as this is a potentially triggering fic. It's about healing and how sometimes healing hurts more but is so worth it. 
> 
> TW: ptsd, depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, past rape/abuse/torture, and recovery from all those things.
> 
> Please... if you ever find yourself needing help, don't hesitate to find someone who is trained in how to help you. There are more resources out there than ever before. You are not alone, no matter how it feels sometimes. I'm in a healing process myself and it's so fucking hard, but it is paying off. Asking for help is one of the best things I've ever done.

It took Sam a long time to notice. There had been a lot going on, in his defense, and now that he had noticed it, he kept seeing it, wondering about it, even when Gabriel was gone. Which was normal, he was usually gone. He never had liked being caged, but especially now, after Asmodeus… Sam’s heart still hurt at the condition he had come back in. It didn’t matter that he was better now because Sam saw through all that now, how Gabriel never stayed too long or too close with anyone in their group. His smile never reached his eyes. He was always fidgeting, fingers twitching, playing with something. He was a ball of nervous energy, and even when he tried to act like his old self, it was like a cracked mirror. Gabriel was still hurting. Sam was sure of it.

So, figuring Gabriel was probably more in the Winchester way of talking through things, Sam hatched a plan to befriend the former trickster archangel in hopes to help Gabriel feel that maybe there was a place on earth where he belonged. Sam should have probably self-reflected on why this particular mission seemed so important to him, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted the answer to that just yet. He wanted to help Gabriel, plain and simple.

“Gabriel, I need your help, please.” He prayed that night after Dean and Castiel went to the bar without him. He was playing chess by himself when the archangel appeared, a bored expression on his face. Sam was used to it, normally not seeing any kind of expression on Gabriel’s face. Gabriel didn’t show much of anything anymore.

“It’s not a tulpa this time.” Sam was used to that too. He had gotten in the small habit of praying to Gabriel when they needed help figuring out a case.

“I’m not asking for help for a case.” A look of confusion crossed the archangel’s face as he scanned Sam’s face, as Sam thought his question towards him.

“Snickers.” The angel said with the same confused look on his face before he cocked his head and snapped himself away.

“Snickers.” Sam repeated, writing it down on a paper in front of him. “Snickers.”

* * *

Days passed. Sam and Dean found themselves in an intense case with a ghost. Ghosts were always interesting. Sam purposefully didn’t pray for Gabriel to help, waiting for the case to be over and to be back in the bunker to pray again.

“You didn’t pray to me.” Gabriel looked confused... and insecure? “I could have helped.”

“I didn’t want you to think I only pray when I need something.”

“Sam…” Gabriel raised an eyebrow. Their conversation was way off script. “That’s usually exactly why you pray.” He sighed. “What did you ask me here for?” He was back to business as usual.

“I got you something.” Sam reached into his desk and pulled out a large Snickers bar. 

“You bought me a candy bar?” Gabriel looked and sounded incredulous. “You know I can just snap one up anytime I want, right?”

“Yea, but I wanted to get you something.”

“Why?” Gabriel cocked his head, scrutinizing Sam. Shame flushed through the hunter, he was wasting Gabriel’s time.

“I just wanted to do something nice.” He said softly, training his eyes on the floor. He had overstepped. Gabriel was probably annoyed with him.

“Oh.” Sam peeked up to see Gabriel staring at the Snickers in his hand. “Thanks.”

“You’re welc—“ But Gabriel had fluttered from view, leaving Sam alone. Sam wasn’t sure what reaction he had been looking for, but he wasn’t sure he got it. Gabriel had seemed confused and that kind of made Sam want to try again, once he built up his courage again.

* * *

  
  
Life got busy. It always got busy. Sam threw himself into work and the hunt and what he always did. He wasn’t taking the best care of himself, he knew that, but the hunt was more important than him. Saving others was more important than him.   
  
The hunt ended up being a rogue pack of werewolves. Sam was overwhelmed by one part of the pack while Cas and Dean tried to fight through the other half. Claws ripped at Sam’s chest and he cried out as the wolves clawed for his heart. Sam’s cries turned into screams and then everything went silent. A snap echoed through the room and the wolves howled, turning into ash. Sam screamed again as fire washed over him, covering him completely. He could feel himself being stitched back together, the butchering becoming reversed. When the pain slowed enough that he could finally peer up, he saw Gabriel, eyes glowing, wings outstretched. His eyes started to burn and Gabriel’s hand covered his eyes, both shielding and healing.

Sam woke up, his lungs expanding as he clutched at his sheets. He glanced around, noting that he was back in his bedroom at the bunker. He looked at his chest, no gaping wounds or claw marks. He remembered the sensations, but it was like it never happened. Now the only claw marks he remembered seeing were the ones he had covered on Gabriel’s body.   
  
“Gabriel.” He whispered, but there was no answer. He didn’t expect one. He rolled over, feeling his body for injuries one more time before he fell asleep.

* * *

  
  
Sam threw himself back into work, but he was more cautious. He didn’t take as many chances. He was also taking better care of himself. As a result, hunts went smoother and research went faster. Dean noticed the change, but didn’t say anything, not wanting to jinx it. Sam seemed the best he had ever been.

“Hey, Sam.” Sam looked up from the book he was actually reading for fun under the guise of research. He blinked and then smiled brightly.

“Gabriel, hey!” He put the book down and leaned forward a little. Small movements, but large motions to the archangel who was watching, calculating. “What can I do for you?”

“Do you have any more of those Snickers?” Gabriel asked in his usual apathetic tone. Sam missed how his eyes used to sparkle with mischief even when it was at his expense.

“I do, actually.” Sam got up, going over to his desk, and opening the drawer. “Here you go, king-sized.” He kind of hoped for an innuendo, anything to show that Gabriel was feeling more himself. No such luck.

“You like Snickers, Sammy?” Gabriel asked, taking the candy bar from Sam’s hand, their hands accidentally brushing. Gabriel’s hand was warm.

“I can’t say I’ve really tried them.” Sam admitted, tucking his hair behind his ear. He licked his lips without realizing it, and Gabriel’s eyes for a split second, twinkled.

“Tragedy, Samwise, pure tragedy.” Gabriel ripped the wrapper with his teeth, taking out one of the Snickers and tossing it to Sam. “Try it.” And with that, he flickered from sight, leaving Sam to stare at the candy bar starting to slightly melt on his large palm.

“Thanks, Gabriel ” The corner of his mouth quirked up, revealing the dimple hidden in his scruffy cheek. He took a bite, eyes widening as he took in the different tastes all melded together. It was good, really good, better than he had expected. Gabriel had good taste. He huffed a laugh at his own thoughts before returning to his book, a small smile gracing his lips for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

The next time Sam saw Gabriel was a few weeks later. He hadn’t prayed or anything. He was just curled up on the couch, shivering slightly. He wondered if he had a fever, but he couldn’t find where Dean had hidden the thermometer and he didn’t want to ask. He didn’t want Dean to know he was sick. If Dean came to take care of him, he’d realize what else was going on. Sam was having a depressive episode and he really couldn’t handle Dean worrying about him in his current frame of mind. He had been having these nightmares… They were so bad he couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror afterwards. He couldn’t handle seeing his body while knowing what Lucifer had done to him and how he sometimes felt about it.   
  
Another chill wracked his body and Sam whined, burying his face in his hands.   
  
“Samsquatch.” He peeked up in time to see a red square flop into his lap. “Second favorite candy bar.” Gabriel walked in and sat on the opposite end of the couch.   
  
“Kit Kat?” Sam asked, his teeth chattering now that he had unclenched his jaw to speak. Gabriel frowned, taking in Sam’s condition.   
  
“You’re hurting.” He cocked his head. “And you have the flu.”   
  
“No duh.” Sam whispered, feeling half-ashamed, half-relieved to let someone know where he was at. Gabriel pressed his lips together at the half-assed sass, a not quite smile that made Sam’s heart ache. Gabriel reminded him of him.   
  
“Come here.” But Gabriel was the one who scooted closer, his palm sliding against Sam’s jaw up to cup his cheek. Sam tensed until he felt Gabriel’s grace wash over him.    
  
“What are you doing?” Sam asked even though he could feel the grace healing him, devouring every last trace of the virus afflicting his body. He leaned into the touch, couldn’t help but lean into the touch, and Gabriel pulled his hand back. He severed the bond so quickly that Sam felt a physical sting of rejection.   
  
“Can I ask you something, Sam?” Gabriel hadn’t flown away, had just scooted back against the opposite end of the couch. Sam didn’t know if the archangel knew he was mirroring Sam’s pose, back to the armrest, knees hugged to chest.    
  
“Yea, anything.” Sam nodded, still trying to compose himself.   
  
“Why are you trying to be my friend? I’m already a part of your dumb Free Will club. I help when you all pray. Why have you been making this so personal? What you feel when I’m around… it’s overwhelming.” Sam’s brow furrowed. What he felt when Gabriel was around? He just wanted to help. He just wanted Gabriel to feel safe. He just-- oh fuck-- he wanted to be the place Gabriel felt safe. He didn’t know why. It was so instinctual when it came to Gabriel, that he needed to be protected and loved. “Yea, all of that, Sam.” Gabriel closed his eyes, taking a steadying breath as it all washed over him. “That longing. It scared me. Still does. Thought you were gonna latch on like Asmodick. And then you threw me, asked for my favorite candy bar, like you wanted to know me.”   
  
“I do want to know you.” Sam croaked. Longing. Huh. Now that Gabriel had named it, he felt it so strongly it scared him too. “I want you to feel safe. I know what it’s like to not feel safe and I didn’t want you to feel alone.”   
  
“And?” Gabriel’s eyes gleamed, daring him to continue, to voice the thought he had just unearthed. “You pity me or something because I was Asmodouche’s plaything for years and years?”   
  
“I don’t pity you.” Gabriel scoffed but Sam continued. “I was Lucifer’s plaything for years and years and sometimes I liked what he did to me. In the midst of all that pain and humiliation, sometimes it felt good. I didn’t want it, but I let myself enjoy it because that was the only break I was going to get for the next few years.”   
  
“I didn’t like what Asmodeus did to me.” Gabriel growled, hunching over himself. “He broke me.” He added on in a softer, but no less defensive tone. He hesitated before he growled in frustration, wiping a hand across his face before he snapped himself away.   
  
“Gabriel,” Sam prayed, staring at the empty space across from him, “Lucifer broke me too.” Gabriel didn’t respond and he didn’t come back. Sam blew out a heavy sigh, wondering why he was more depressed than he had been before Gabriel had shown up. He just wanted to help the archangel, that was all.

Sam’s depression only got worse. He didn’t pray to Gabriel anymore. Didn’t have the energy to. Didn’t want to drive the archangel any further away than he already had. He grew more and more reckless with each hunt, earning more wounds and scars than he cared to admit. Dean and Castiel were worried about him, but he shut them out, growing more and more distant with every fight. Finally, he had enough.    
  
He left a note for Dean in his room, but then told him he found a hunt and that he needed to work it alone to get out of his funk. He apologized for his funk and Dean just hugged him, wishing him a good hunt. Sam cried while driving the car. He just wanted to feel better. He wanted this torment to end. He had hoped that helping Gabriel would put some purpose into the suffering he had endured in hell, but it hadn’t. That had been his last hope. Now, now, he just wanted it all to end.

* * *

It was raining, which made it honestly worse. He balanced on the edge of the bridge, staring at the swirling water below. Was he really going to do this? Yes. He had to. He couldn’t keep going on like this. He was dragging everyone else down with him. He dropped his phone first, feeling such relief when it crashed into the raging water. He was next. It was almost over. He lifted one foot up and sucked in a harsh breath. He could do this. He would do this. He had to do this.   
  
“Sam.” The archangel had spoken quietly, but even in the pouring rain Sam heard him. He almost fell as he turned, faltering as he put his foot down, glancing down at the roaring rapids underneath the bridge.   
  
“What are you doing here?” Sam yelled. He shoved his wet hair out of his face, feeling the cold rush of the wind.   
  
“I could ask you the same thing.” Gabriel flickered out of view to appear next to him on the railing.    
  
“You’re too late.” Sam shook his head. “Why the fuck are you here, Gabriel?”   
  
“Because you’re my friend.” Gabriel looked down at the water with a squeamish face. “You’re the first person to try to get to know me in literal eons, so… Look, I’m sorry I’m late to being a friend back, but Sam… This is permanent.”   
  
“I know.” Sam whispered. He could feel the tears starting to clog his throat. He had to jump before he started to cry. If he cried, he’d lose his nerve. “I’m sorry.” He stepped off and closed his eyes as everything rushed by him at lightning speed. He crashed into something warm-- what? He opened his eyes to be met with overwhelming dizziness until he landed in an opulent living room. “What the fuck?” He groaned, covering his face as he was swamped by so many emotions, many of them conflicted. He was angry that he was relieved. He was angry he had been saved. He had wanted to be saved for so long and it finally happened, just when he didn’t want it.   
  
“Forgive me.” Gabriel looked unruffled, unrepentant, and uneasy all at the same time. Maybe Sam wasn’t the only one feeling conflicting emotions. “Welcome to one of my homes. You will be safe here. No harm will befall you here.” Sam wiped his soaking wet hair behind his ears, standing his ground as he stared down the archangel.   
  
“That sounds like a threat.”    
  
“You shine too bright to let die.” Gabriel said softly, looking anywhere but Sam. In fact, as Sam managed to slow his breathing down, he realized that the archangel was much more uncomfortable with this situation than he was. Gabriel had let him into his home which was probably more heavily warded and guarded than Sam wanted to know. He was safe here, but Gabriel seemed to not feel safe with him here. Then Gabriel’s words sunk in and he could’t form a coherent thought.   
  
“What?”   
  
“You’ve always deserved more, Sam Winchester. But can we talk about this tomorrow?” Gabriel asked, looking so incredibly tired. “I-I am glad you are here and that you are safe. I didn’t want you to think you were alone either, but I can’t-- I need--”   
  
“We can talk tomorrow.” Sam cut him off when he realized Gabriel was floundering. “Is it okay if I use the shower?”   
  
“Yea.” Gabriel nodded. “You can do whatever you like. I’ll be back in the morning.”    
  
“You’re not staying.” Sam couldn’t keep the panic out of his voice if he tried.   
  
“I’ll be back soon. I have to let Dean know you’re safe.” Gabriel gave him a little smile. Sam felt a flicker of shame at the mention of his brother. Gabriel didn’t have to tell him that Dean was worried. Guilt and shame rushed in but he bit his lip to keep from crying.    
  
“Sam, stop.” Gabriel touched his arm ever so slightly before backing up. “He doesn’t blame you. No one does. You’ve been carrying a heavy load.” With that, Gabriel showed him where everything was with a touch, telepathically depositing the information necessary to traverse his home. “Please make yourself at home.” Then Gabriel winged away, leaving Sam to pull himself together, to wade through all his muddled emotions.   
  
He’d start with a shower.   
  
  


  
  



	2. I've never fallen from quite this high

Sam took a long time in the shower, but the steady spray of hot water was grounding and comforting to his raw soul. What did Gabriel mean by him shining too brightly to die? He always felt dirty and ashamed. He scrubbed his skin down for the thousandth of thousandths times. Why did Lucifer have to defile him the way that he did? Why did he have to break him so damn badly?

His hands were shaking so badly he dropped the washcloth.

“Fuck.” He rinsed off. He was done in here before he fell and hit his head. Ha. Of course his survival instinct would kick in now. He found his way back to the room that Gabriel had assigned to him for the night to find the archangel sitting on his bed, waiting for him. “What are you doing here?”

“I talked to Dean. He’s so glad you’re okay and he threatened to kill you and then thought second of it.” Gabriel shrugged. His eyes glanced over Sam’s exposed skin. “And then I picked up on the distress signal back here and booked it back.”

“Ah yea, sorry about that.”

“Sam, you don’t have to apologize.” Gabriel scratched the top of his head. “Are you okay? I mean obviously… you’re not… but… you know.” He sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “Fuck.”

Sam smiled tiredly and came over and sat down next to Gabriel, clutching his towel to keep it shut. He felt safe with Gabriel even if he couldn’t quite place why yet. 

“I’m better than I was.” He knew that much. He couldn’t believe he had stepped off that bridge. He would have died. He should be dead right now.

“I’m glad you’re not dead.” Gabriel spoke up. “You scare me but not like him.” He ducked his head down. “I want to know you too, Sam.”

“Huh.” Sam leaned into Gabriel’s shoulder just for a second, leaning back too quickly when he realized he was touching the archangel.

“I’m sorry about that night.” Gabriel pressed his shoulder back against Sam’s. “I shouldn’t have left you like that. It was getting deep and I panicked. Talking about him…” he shook his head, “I can’t handle it, I don’t know why.”

“I do.” Sam nodded solemnly. “He was your abuser. You feel that shit all the way down to your bones.” 

“I guess you’d understand.” Gabriel said carefully and Sam nodded. He did. He knew all too well. He felt his trauma and abuse all the way down to his bones too.

“Sometimes I liked-- well, I didn't like what he was doing, but he’d make it feel good on purpose.” Sam confessed.

“Sam, that’s biology. Our bodies respond to stimuli even under duress.”

“I didn’t want it!”

“I know, Sam, I know. I didn’t either.” Gabriel held his gaze with sad eyes until Sam had to look away. He was so damn drawn to the archangel even when he was upset. He felt so dirty. 

“He knew I struggled with that…”

“With what?”

“He knew that I’ve wondered about men before.” Sam said quietly. “He knew I have wanted to do things with them in the past. He ripped through my brain and plucked that out. He used it against me. He made me feel so gross.”

“Sam… you know it’s okay to be attracted to men too, right?” Gabriel cocked his head. “It’s a beautiful kind of love when you can love everyone.”

“But isn’t it wrong?” Sam whispered. He brought a hand up to cover his face. He took a ragged breath, trying to calm himself down. Gabriel reached over, taking Sam’s hand off his face and into his own hand. 

“No, Sam, it’s not.” 

“Really?” Sam asked, glancing over almost shyly. His heart felt raw. It ached for something he didn’t want to name, but maybe soon he would be able to name it without any shame.

“Trust me, I’m an angel. Even if I’m kind of a fallen one at this point. My Father is love, Sam. He has no part in that Westboro Baptist shit or even that ‘well, I love you but can’t condone this’ shit. No. No, that’s not Him. He’s love, pure and simple. And when you love someone with your whole heart, you’re a whole lot more like Him than you think.” 

“Huh.” Sam had to smile, it was so bright and different from his face minutes before that Gabriel knew he got it. “That’s different than what I was expecting.”

“How does it make you feel?” Gabriel asked casually.

“Better.” Sam inhaled. “Like I can breathe.”

“Good.” Gabriel murmured. He stood up, getting ready to leave the room.

“Gabriel…”

“Yea, Sam, want me to snap up some hot dude for you to practice kissing on? Maybe find out that some things are okay to feel good about when it is what you want.” Gabriel shrugged. “They won’t be a real person, but they’ll feel real.”

“Nah.” Sam said slowly. His eyes flicked over Gabriel, darkening ever so slightly. The archangel had to huff in amusement. Sam blushed but he held his ground bravely. “I don’t want someone who’s not real.”

“Well, what about someone who’s not broken?” Gabriel asked, taking a step closer. His breath felt caught in his throat and he wasn’t sure why. Just like he wasn’t sure why he kept walking closer to Sam fucking Winchester instead of flying away. His body felt torn between two very different directions, but he kept going towards Sam. 

“I can’t keep up with someone who’s not broken.” Sam said. His eyes were trained on Gabriel, his gaze unwavering. His grip tightened on his towel when Gabriel took another step forward. The tension in the room was thick but not uncomfortable. It was inviting. It was almost electric. One misstep and it would end terribly wrong, but if they played it right, there could be some real connection. “I want you.”

“Since when?”

“Since that time at that college.”

“I thought you were flirting.”

“You flirted back.”

“Have you seen you, kiddo?” Gabriel swallowed hard. “You fucking shine. Could never keep my eyes off you.” Sam glanced down at the ground, trying to process that compliment. Could Gabriel really be feeling what he was feeling? His heart was speeding up as Gabriel took one step closer. 

“I--I don’t shine.” Sam stammered. He glanced down at his body, looking at all the scars he bore. Gabriel followed his gaze, noting the new ones that weren’t there before. He should have stepped forward sooner, if only to keep Sam from so much suffering. But he couldn’t. He hadn’t been ready. He had been suffering too. 

“Yea, you do.” Gabriel murmured. “I’d show you if you could. Your soul is the most damn beautiful thing in this universe.” His eyes widened as he realized he said that out loud. Sam’s eyes widened too. Sam moved forward, almost instinctively, but caught himself just a few inches from Gabriel’s face. Gabriel glanced down at his lips and moved, pressing his lips against Sam’s parted ones. Sam’s eyelashes fluttered shut as he kissed Gabriel back. Sam revelled in how close he was to Gabriel, so close that he could touch him. “You can touch me.” Gabriel whispered consent. “I know you want to. Just easy.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded. His pupils were dilated as he reached over and gently touched Gabriel on both of his arms. Gabriel shivered but stepped closer, sliding into Sam’s lap to kiss him some more. Sam slid his arms along Gabriel’s body until the archangel was securely wrapped in his arms. He made sure it wasn’t too tight. Slowly Gabriel relaxed, slowly, he started undulating against Sam’s body. Sam shuddered at the contact, arousal slowly building. He pressed his tongue against Gabriel’s lips, the archangel letting him in. Gabriel moaned into the kiss. Sam’s towel had come undone and Gabriel had no problem rolling against his impressive erection. 

“You okay with this?” He asked. He looked wild, his hair all tousled, his eyes shining, his pupils blown. “You okay with going all the way?” Sam nodded.

“Yes.” Sam pressed a kiss to Gabriel’s neck, his teeth grazing over a sensitive spot. Gabriel yelped, flashing back to when it was a needle piercing his skin. He forced himself to focus, pressing his head into Sam’s shoulder, folding in on himself. 

“Gabriel.” Sam was holding him. He wasn’t bucking up against him or biting his neck. He wasn’t kissing him so he couldn’t breathe or shoving anything inside of him. 

“F-f-fuck.” Gabriel trembled. 

“Flashback?” Sam asked.

“How’d you know?” Gabriel asked. He untucked himself from Sam’s shoulder, pushing back from his lap. He stood up, pants still tented, but feeling unsure. 

“I have them too.” Sam admitted. “Hey, Gabriel, nothing has to happen tonight.” Sam said carefully. “It’s okay. “It’s probably too soon for me.”

“I’m not broken!” Gabriel shouted. “I can do this!”

“Okay, okay.” Sam stammered. “I don’t think you’re broken, Gabriel.”

“Yes, you do. You think I’m just like you.” Sam flinched. He did. He had. Of course Gabriel wasn’t like him. He was holy, he was pure, and Sam had always been filthy and contaminated, way before Lucifer ever touched him. “No, no, no, Sam, I don’t mean like that. Yea, fuck, I’m broken too. I’m sorry. I didn’t think-- fuck.” Gabriel got that wild look in his eyes, like he was a caged animal. He eyed Sam like he was thinking about running. If he was being honest, he was thinking about running. Sam sighed, almost in a wounded sense before he lay back on the bed, scooting back and letting his legs fall open. “What are you doing?”

“I know what I am, Gabriel. I don’t have much to offer other than this.” He bent his knees, giving Gabriel a full glimpse of what he was talking about. 

“You have much more to offer than that.” Gabriel flopped down on the bed next to Sam, not on him like the hunter was expecting. Sam glanced over at the serious expression on the archangel. 

“I’m not going to get laid tonight, am I?” Gabriel glanced over and burst out laughing. Sam was hurt at first but then he had to laugh too. Sam sighed after a few minutes. “But seriously.”

“Do you want to get laid?”

“Yea. It’s been a while.” Sam smirked. He leaned over and looked at Gabriel. “And seeing how I’m the only one naked… I feel like it’s going to be a while longer, and that’s okay.” Gabriel rolled over onto Sam’s chest, ducking his head down to kiss the man on the lips. 

“I can get you laid. I know a guy.” He kissed him again. “And he happens to be free.”

“I’m only interested if he’s you.” Sam teased back, tilting his head up to steal another kiss. Gabriel decided that he really liked kissing Sam. He felt fuzzy and warm all the way down to his stomach, hard for the first time in ages. He hadn’t been able to get it up for a while after… well, just after.

“You know it’s me.” He answered Sam softly. “Nowheres I’d rather be.”

“I’m glad you showed up.” Sam said abruptly. 

“Me too. I wish I was able to show up sooner.”

“We can talk about that later.” Sam decided, but that statement from Gabriel made him feel better inside. He was happy with this now. He was happy here with Gabriel. He teared up at that realization. He hadn’t felt happy in a long time, like light was inside of him. 

“See? You’re shining.” Gabriel whispered in his ear, kissing along the outside of his ear, down his neck, marking Sam’s neck. Sam moaned softly. He felt good. This felt good. He didn’t feel dirty or shameful with Gabriel. He didn’t feel like he did with… he broke off that thought. He didn’t want to think about hell, not here, not now. “Can I?” Gabriel nodded down south and Sam nodded, gasping when Gabriel took him in hand. “You’ve got a pretty cock, Sam.” Sam’s cock twitched in Gabriel’s hand. Fucking praise kink aka he knew he was starved for positive attention and Gabriel was telling him something good about him. “Let me take care of you for a change, Sam, okay?”

“Long as I get laid.” Sam smiled. Gabriel leaned down and kissed him while he stroked Sam’s cock. Sam moaned into his mouth, submitting and relaxing into the care and attention that Gabriel was giving him. “Not going to last much longer, Gabriel.” He gasped, sucking in a sharp breath. He hadn’t felt this good maybe ever. He felt so safe with Gabriel. It was strange. And so he let Gabriel take him, willingly giving himself over to the archangel, letting him take him over the edge into pleasure previously unknown.


	3. If you love me, don't let go

Gabriel was there when he woke up. That alone meant more to Sam than the steaming hot breakfast and the warm, comfortable bathrobe that was waiting for him as well. Sam dug into the breakfast, but didn’t put the robe on. He didn’t want to cover up just yet. He was tired of hiding. Last night, hiding had nearly taken his life. But he didn’t want to think about that now. He wanted to enjoy this-- whatever this was.

“Morning, Samshine.” Gabriel seemed more relaxed too. “Kind of nice knowing I can still get it up with someone I like.” Gabriel answered Sam’s thought observation. “And getting with the hunter I’ve admired for years… well, seems like a deal to me.”

“No way you admired me for years.” Sam deadpanned, flattered and intimidated. Part of him wanted to believe the archangel, but another part of him couldn’t believe someone so intriguing would be interested in him. “I had a crush on you when I first met you.” He revealed. Gabriel had seemed uneasy when Sam had said he couldn’t have admired him… like maybe he thought Sam was correcting him. Sam hadn’t met it like that. Sometimes he thought a little too lowly about himself.

“Sam, I feel like I’ve just slept with my equivalent of a high school crush.” Gabriel let out a light laugh. “I’m fucking flattered, but you can have my ass anytime.” Sam blushed, covering his face with his hands. It was adorable, especially since the rest of him was as naked as the day he was born. “What’s this about a crush?” Gabriel changed the subject, albeit to one just as embarrassing.

“When I met you as that janitor…” Sam started.

“I can’t hear you.” Gabriel poked him. “You’re all muffled by those big ass hands.” Gabriel let out a little, breathy moan of appreciation and Sam groaned, his cock twitching.

“Dammit, Gabe.” He was breathtaking, all flustered. Gabriel ignored how his heart skipped a beat at the nickname slipping off Sam’s lips with ease. Lips he kissed last night… “When I met you, I wanted to push you up against those lockers and fuck you until you forgot your name…” He ran a hand through his hair, avoiding Gabriel’s twinkling gaze. “And then I wanted to take you on a date afterwards…”

“And then I ruined your fun by being a trickster.” Gabriel grinned.

“Yea. That job got hard fast.” 

“And now?”

“Hard for different reasons.” Sam flirted with him cautiously. Gabriel’s dimples peeked out as he leaned over, pecking Sam on the lips.

“I can help you with that. I do love to lick you like a lollipop.” He popped the ‘p’ with a wink.

“You’re insatiable.” Sam teased. He ran a finger over Gabriel’s bare back, not missing how Gabriel tensed at the gentle touch. He was always ready to run, but Sam didn’t want either of them to run away just yet/

“Are you really complaining?” Gabriel leaned over another part of Sam’s body, giving his cock the tiniest of licks. “You’ll never be bored again, Sam.” There was a promise in that sentence. A promise Sam wanted to hear more of.

“What is this?” Sam asked, groaning softly as Gabriel kissed the tip of his cock before sucking it inside his hot mouth. “What are we?” Gabriel was taking him a part and he wasn’t ready for it… yet. 

“Well, I’m about to be the guy taking your cock all the way down his throat.” Gabriel raised his head, his lips sparkling and wet. Sam gulped, his eyes wide. “And maybe later, I’ll be the guy you buy another candy bar for? My point is, Sam, I’m not leaving your ass. I want to stay and figure out whatever this is. And what can I say? I’ve had a crush for a while.” Gabriel made a face that nagged at Sam’s brain. Oh, yea, it was the face he made when someone was too close to the truth and he didn’t know how to evade it. It was the face he made when they had cornered him and called his bluff in a ring of holy oil.

“Gabe?” It was the most he had talked in months and he was rambling about being with Sam. Sam who might be having a fever dream because this was the best damn dream of his life.

“I feel safe with you, dammit. Don’t overthink this.” Gabriel pointed a finger at him. “I want to take our time. I’m skittish, you know.” There was a truth there in the light tone and playful glances. Gabriel was skittish and that was okay, so was Sam. “You think so damn loud.” Shit. Gabriel smiled sweetly at him as Sam processed that.

“Okay.” Sam nodded. “I’m skittish too.” Gabriel gave him a crooked smirk before he breathed over Sam’s cock. Sam’s eyes widened as Gabriel made good on his promise, taking all of Sam’s cock down his throat. “Guh.” Sam breathed out, his fingers clutching at the blankets. Gabriel was good at this. It didn’t take long for Sam to come undone, spilling into Gabriel’s mouth. Gabriel who innocently swallowed, winking over at Sam just to see that sweet blush again. 

“Kiss me.” Gabriel said somewhat bossily. “Want you to know how good you taste.” It felt fast, like they were flying, and yet, Sam couldn’t get enough. If he was falling, maybe Gabriel could catch him. Sam moved over, pressing his hand against Gabriel’s cheek before he kissed him like Gabriel was air and Sam had been suffocating his whole life. “Got myself a poet.” Gabriel quipped before rolling them over so he was on top of Sam, pressing them together like they were two halves finally becoming whole.

Maybe they were.

It felt like they were.

Now that Sam knew what Gabriel felt like against his skin, electricity dancing between them with every touch. Now that he knew what he tasted like, sugar and ozone somehow perfectly blending together, making Sam crave more. Now that he knew how his soul sang when Gabriel was around… Sam couldn’t go back to what he was before. Gabriel completed him and wasn’t that a realization to rock his whole world. Was this what Dean felt like? Was this a profound bond? “Stop thinking.” Gabriel said not unkindly. He kissed Sam’s forehead. “Enjoy this, Sam. Just take it one day at a time.”

“Okay.” And Gabriel was kissing him again, devouring him completely, leaving nothing behind. 

And Sam was happily consumed.


End file.
